7/19/12

Us Capital Police are introducing tattoo guidelines to create more uniformity through their ranks. Among the rules are that tattoos must be covered by clothing whenever possible while on duty, no derogatory wording or symbols, and no gang affiliated markings.

The FBI is adding tattoos to it's biometric database, named the Biometric Center of Excellence, which sounds vaguely like a Chinese takeout restaurant. They will be using the data they collect to create more information about what symbols are affiliated with "the bad guys" such as gangs and terrorists. The natural danger here is that this data could be used to put the remaining three people in the US not currently targeted as suspicious by the Bureau under surveillance. Just kidding. There's probably at least five of us who haven't had our phones tapped yet.

And finally, a man known as the "Master of Tattoos" in Saudi Arabia has been sentenced to 200 lashes just because sentencing someone to 200 lashes is way retro, and the Saudi judicial system is run by Muslim hipsters, which are the most ironic and therefore awesome hipsters anywhere. Actually, he received the 200 lash sentence for secretly running a criminal beauty parlor delivery service. Yes, the devious Master was visiting women in their homes and, horror of all horrors, cutting their hair, applying make-up for them and providing tattoos. It would seem like the perfect crime, since thanks to the traditional female style of dress, the evidence of his evil-doing is just about always covered up. What is clear from this, however, is how little is being done here in America to curb the proliferation of the elicit beautician trade, who's practitioners are so brazen as to publicly advertise their services and set up in legitimate store fronts! Who, oh who among us will be the first to speak out and put a stop to the scourge of women getting their hair and nails did?? Only time will tell.